This is a life lesson, from one of my most favourite books – The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker
“It is similar to one brother asking another, “Why did you grow up to be a drunk?” The answer is “Because Dad was a drunk.” The second brother then asks, “Why didn’t you grow up to be a drunk?” The answer is “Because Dad was a drunk.” Some more complete answers are found in Robert Ressler’s classic book Whoever Fights Monsters. He speaks of the tremendous importance of the early puberty period for boys. Before then, the anger of these boys might have been submerged and without focus, perhaps turned inward in the form of depression, perhaps (as in most cases) just denied, to emerge later. But during puberty, this anger collides with another powerful force, one of the most powerful in nature: sexuality. Even at this point, say Ressler and others, these potential hosts of monsters can be turned around through the (often unintentional) intervention of people who show kindness, support, or even just interest. I can say from experience that it doesn’t take much.”
― Gavin de Becker, The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence
In the era of #metoo, it is more important that ever that we teach our kids ways in which they can speak up and stand up against bullies and harassment in all shape and forms.
if your child is unprepared and unaware of what bullying can look like, he or she might experience it and not be able to express whats happening. It doesn’t serve any child to be defenseless when it comes to bullying, and the best way to empower them is to prepare your child in advance. Have a conversation with your child on how to deal with bullying what the signs to look out for are before it happens.
When most people think of self-defense, they think of hitting back. the essence of self-defense has nothing to do using violence or striking someone. It’s about being aware of your surroundings, listening to your gut, knowing when to leave before a an issue gets out of hand and learning how to use a (confident) your voice and how to stand up for yourself. Here are five strategies children can use to defend themselves against bullies.
Trust your instinct.
Teach your kids to be aware of their surroundings. If something doesn’t feel right it’s important to be more vigilant. It is crucial that we teach our kids to listen to the inner voice and pay attention. Being aware of what’s going on around them will help them assess a situation based on the information their surroundings is giving them. Trusting their instincts will not only will help protect your child from bullying but it is also an important life skill. The earlier they can learn to be aware of it the easier it will be to trust their instincts.
A great way in preventing bullying is to build self-esteem in your child which will give them a boost in confidence. Having good posture, making eye contact and verbal assertiveness by speaking up when necessary. By contrast, if a child slouch and keep their eyes averted, it can make them appear to be an easy target. Work with your children on these techniques. And awaken the power that lies within so they don’t feel helpless.
Flight over Fight
Too often children have hard time realizing when asituation is heading in the wrong direction and when to walk away. Our job as a parents is to teach them that walking away from a bad situation is not being weak or cowardly. On the contrary, it takes courage to walk away from a situation that is escalating.
Using self-defense techniques
Although you shouldn’t encourage your child to fight, there are certain self-defense techniques they can use to protect themselves when attacked. For instance, there are techniques for blocking a punch that is thrown at them. There are also techniques for removing a bully’s fingers from their wrists as well as techniques on how to get free when being restrained. And there are techniques on how they can defend themselves from a group attack. All these strategies can be learned in a self-defense class.
Remember, when teaching your kids about self-defense skills against bullies, encourage them to diffuse the situation by using a strong voice or walking away. Also, Make sure your kids know that it is acceptable and encouraged to make a lot of noise if someone is threatening them or hurting them.
Taking a Self-defense class.
One great thing you can do is to enrol your child in a self-defense class. There are many options out there for kids of all ages, find one that suits your child and where they can have fun. Your child will not only learn how to defend themselves, but also build their confidence and teach them discipline. Most times, diffusing a verbal bullying involves knowing how to respond verbal assertiveness with confidence before it can ever evolve to physical bullying. These are the steps we can all take as parents to teach our kids how to stand up for themselves.
We landed in Stockholm Arlanda at approximately 4pm in the afternoon. It was already dark and the only thing lighting up the streets were the white packed snow. There were not many people around in comparison to the bustling Munich Airport.
After eating an early dinner at Max Burger place we made our way to our new place we would come to call home. After driving for hours through the Swedish landscape which was filled with endless woods and stunning views we made it.
I had rented a temporary 2 bedroom flat and it was empty apart from a kitchen table left in the corner of the kitchen. Time has passed beyond the regular bedtime for my two sleepy daughters… … to be continued
Sometimes I wonder if I’m the only person who contemplates the idea of moving to a warm country every year as summer comes to an end. This thought has been a reacuring scenario in the past decade of my life.
As summer comes to an end I feel a part of the warmt in our personality goes with it. The icy cold weather and the darkness bring out the sadness hidden deep in our soul to the surface, making us into zombies in battle to survive the cold and darkness that shackle us to melancholy.
If you live as up north as me (Scandinavia) creating cosy moments in everyday situation will be the strategy or distraction to get you through the darkness winter covers us with. The Danish call this hygge which means creating an atmosphere of wellness, contentment and cosyness in everyday situation.
The Swedes have mastered this, and I have become accustomed to it now, and I wonder how I ever survived any winter without fika or just creating cosy moments.
As a new dad, you’re worried about so many things it’s hard to even keep track. You haven’t changed a diaper before, or you need to get the nursery done, or you aren’t sure what stuff you need. Don’t forget that even with all that craziness going on, there’s a little baby at the heart of it all. Someone who is trusting you completely to take care of him or her, who is going to love you so much and you’ll love them back so much it’ll blow your mind.
1. Buying too much stuff If it’s made of plastic or includes an iPhone dock, it’s probably a waste of money.
2. Comparing your child to other people’s children All children are monsters sometimes and angels at other times. Your pals’ kids will be angels when your child is kicking off, and viceversa
3. Staying up too late Babies know when you’ve done this and deliberately wake up extra early the next morning.
4. Listening to bad advice Lots of people will offer you parenting tips. Most of those tips will be wrong, including – make that especially – the ones from your own parents. It’s a miracle you made it this far.
5. Forgetting to check your clothes for sick, or worse You’re travelling. It’s a warm day. You can’t turn back. Yes, that smell is exactly what you think it is.
6. Underestimating babies’ acceleration Babies move fast and have no sense of danger. You will learn this the hard way.
7. Expecting to become a better person now you’re a parent Turns out your parents were frightened, winging it and bullshitting their way through everything too. We’re not sure if that’s reassuring or terrifying.
8. Forgetting to apply the brakes on the pram You’ll only make this mistake once, but your partner will remind you of it for, ooh, the next twenty years.
9. Taking the crying personally To baby, you’re a fuzzy shape that can fix things. Crying means ‘something’s wrong’, not ‘I hate you’.
10. Expecting to return to normality You can’t go back to your old life, but once you’re through the early days you won’t want to.
11.Not asking for help if you need it People don’t want to interfere, so if you pretend everything’s OK when it isn’t then they won’t force help on you. If you need a hand, ask friends or family. They’ll usually come running.
12. Taking criticism badly New dads tend to hear ‘hey, you’ve put the babygro on backwards’ as “I hate you, you’re a terrible father.’ Calm down!
13. Not seeing the woods for the trees Even if it’s really tough right now, it will get better. Better than better. Amazing. Promise.
14. Leaving a nappy on too long When you hear, feel or smell that nappy filling up, a timebomb starts ticking. Procrastination can and usually does have terrible consequences.
15. Looking for wisdom on the internet Good luck with that.
Jag skrev ner en lista på saker som jag tycker är nödvändiga att ha som en nybliven pappa. Jag hoppas att det hjälper dig som som just blivit en fförälder eller väntar barn. Here’s a list I wrote on essential baby items I couldn’t live without as a father of three. I hope they are useful in navigating this new exciting life that you will embark on.
1.Bilstol En viktig pryl för din bebis som måste vara ordentligt fastsatt i en bilstol. Sätet måste vara anpassat för ditt barn och måste fungera i din bil. Inte alla bilstolar håller samma kvalité, du kanske vill överväga en som har en bas som finns kvar i bilen med ett avtagbart säte för barnet som du enkelt kan bära runt. Hitta en som funkar för din familj. 1.Car Seat This is an essential item for your baby. Anytime you are in a car, the baby needs to be securely fastened in a car seat. The seat must be appropriately sized for your baby and must work in your car. Not all car seats are created equal. You may want to consider a seat that has a base that is left in the car with a detachable seat for the baby that you can easily carry around. But no baby can safely be without a car seat if you plan to move about in a car. Find one that suits you and your family.
2.Digital\Video kamera: Nästan varje far och många mammor som jag känner vill ha en bra digitalkamera för att spela in de viktiga ögonblicken i deras barns utveckling, eller bara för att skicka bilder av det sötaste barnen någonsin. Att ha en bra digitalkamera med mycket lagringsutrymme eller plats för ett högkapacitets minneskort är en bra investering. 2.Digital/Video Camera: Just about every father and many mothers I know wants a good digital camera to record those vital moments in their baby’s development, or just to post pictures of the cutest baby ever. Having a good digital camera with a lot of storage space or room for a high capacity memory card is a great investment.
3.Skötväska: En blöj väska/ skötväska gör att man enklare får ordning på allt bebisen behöver när man är ute. Du kommer att bära på den en hel del. Därför valde jag en enkel bekväm men som inte “clashar” med min stil för mycket. Men som också har utrymme för mina grejer, en bok eller en bärbar data. 3. Diaper Bag: A good quality diaper bag with all the important contents for the baby is an absolutely essential part of the baby’s kamera stuff. It will be the one item you will be seen carrying😊 therefore I chose a simple comfortable one that I can also fit my books and a laptop in.
4.Burp cloth – bib: En annan stor överraskning som en ny pappa var hur mycket vår baby spydde upp. Jag fick bytta t-shirt konstant. En hel del leverans av burpduk kommer behövas under dom första månaderna, som du enkelt hittar hos flesta babyförsäljning affärer. Ingen idea att klä upp sig utan en till hands, det lovar jag 😉 4.Burp Cloths: Another big surprise I had as a new father was how much our baby spit up. A ready supply of burp cloth is important for dads and babies which you can purchase in most baby supply stores. Don’t even bother getting dressed up, without one at hand.
5.Barnvagn: Det är överväldigande som en nybliven pappa och det är lätt att känna sig fast hemma med den nya bebisen. Det kommer inte som någon överraskning att din rörlighet begränsas. En barnvagn med kvalitet, och med justerande handtag så du slipper böja över hela tiden, är ju ett måste. Särskilt om du är lång. Det var inte enkelt för mig att hitta en anpassad för längre människor, men den jag har får duga. 5.Stroller: It is overwhelming experince to become father for the first time and its easy for a new dad to feel trapped at home with the new bor. It comes as no surprise that your mobility is effected . A good quality stroller, with handles long enough that you can walk without bending over all the time, is an important item. Particularly if you are on the tall side of the spectrum. And getting one that will serve you and your baby as she or he grows makes the relatively large investment a little easier to digest.
6.Rash-creme – Aprikosolja: Som tre barns pappa så jag har jag säkerligen prövat många hudutslag krämer, salvor m.m. Många av dem var inte helt dåliga och gav en viss effekt mot utslaget och en aning förbättring. Men nästan alla dem jag använde innehöll många ingredienser som irriterar huden och som inte är bra på lång sikt. Jag fick av min kusin Desse Apricotolja för några år sedan och det har varit en game-changer sedan dess. Denna produkt är inte bara bra mot irriterad och rodnad utan alla typer av skärningar. Det är en helande salva som kan användas för att hydrera huden, motverka torra läppar. Varje gång jag har använt, så har det alltid gett omedelbar resultat och förbättring. Och det bästa av allt är att det är framkallat på aprikosolja och det är helt naturligt.
6.Rash cream – Apricot oil:As a father of three children, it’s safe to say I have tried many rash lotion/creams/ balm. Many of them were not bad as far as soothing the rash and improving it. But almost all of the ones I used where made with a lot of ingredients that are not safe or good in the long run. I was given by my cousing Desse Apricot oil a couple of years ago and it has been a game changers ever since. This product is not only great for diaper rash but all types of cuts. It is a healing balm that can be used to hydrate the skin, cracked lips. Every time I have used when one of my kids had a rash, it gave instant results of improvement. And the best of all it’s made of apricot oil and its all natural.
This is the deck part of the restaurant where you can dive off and swim
Mälarpaviljongen located in kungsholmen
The entrance of the restaurant looks like a garden
Wallenbergare med potatispuré, skirat smör, gröna ärtor och rårörda lingon
Wallenbergare (meat) with mashed potatoes, a dash of butter served with cranberry
Caesar salad & räkor (prawns)
Enjoying my alcohol free beer at the pier
Would love to sit here with a drink , but not an option when you’re with 3 kids 🙂 unless you want to suffer a heart attack in the process 🙂
Perfect pier for some (fika)
Welcome back friends,
I came a across this lovely place in Kungsholmen a couple of days ago when we went there for a swim. I decided to come back here someday, that day has come haha. I don’t really know how to describe it, its a floating garden that serves food and drinks 🙂 they have a deck where you you can dive off and swim, come back and continue dining haha, sounds confusing, but it’s not, it was simply built convenient and magical. It’s called Mälarpaviljongen and it’s located in kungsholmen. If you are planning to visit, the easiest route would be getting off the train at Fridhemsplan in the blue line.. I ordered Wallenbergare (meat) with mashed potatoes and cranberry sauce and I got their caesar salad, which I assumed came with grilled chicken, I found out it can be served with anything. The caesar salad came with prawns, it was fresh and simple, I liked it. I took the kids for a swim afterwards to cool down from the heat and got wet in the process 🙂 We ended the day with some (fika) Alcohol free beer for me and some ice cream for my kids at the pier. City hall (stadshuset) is located here, it has a beautiful garden to sit and relax in and a prefect place to take some pictures with amazing view over Stockholm. There is so much to discovered here, the pier is stacked with so many restaurants and ice creams places to choose from, you can catch a boat from here to other islands around Stockholm, start your journey, discover Stockholm your way and have fun doing it.
Today was no ordinary day, the temperature here in stockholm reached 31 celsius, and I am not complaining because I enjoy hot, sunny days. However it was one of the hotter days of the year, which Stockholm has been having plenty of lately. We wanted to spend the day relaxing at a poolside, eating, and doing pretty much nothing. We got off the train at kungstradgarden, the end station for the blue line, walked to slussen where we got on a boat heading towards Djurgarden. My kids loved the boat ride and i enjoyed it too, i truly recommend anyone wanting to visit Djurgarden to catch the boat, its an adventure you will remember. The scenery was amazing. Ones in Djurgarden, we went to this place called Josefina, its a Bar/ poolside/ restaurant type of place but its lovely and kids friendly too. We sat at the poolside, swam and ordered pizza. My kids asked me are we coming back tomorrow? We have to come back tomorrow again 🙂 Lets just say they had a great time.
We where too excited about the bread to remember to take picture of our dinner
Elias started off with a nice blue t-shirt
The proof is on the shirt 🙂
Welcome back Friends,
We spent the day in Kungsholmen walking along (smedsuddsbadet) at the beachside. It was 28 degrees, sunny and lovely and we, (me and my three kids) went for a dip in the water, for some well needed cooling down. We had an early dinner at 7 pm at a cosy french seaside restaurant called Boulebar, they had amazing food, and even my kids didn’t need much bribing or any convincing to finish their plates. Check it out if you enjoy french cuisine or not hahaha, I think you will find something to enjoy, if even just a drink and a nice view 🙂 Our day ended with a lovely walk along the pier, and what better way to enjoy the sunset than with an ice cream.